It's been awhile family. How have you been? What have you been up to? It's been almost a year since I have blogged, and several months since my last podcast episode. Originally it was just supposed to be a short break to rest my mind and reset myself, but then again it was good not feeling like I always had to have something to say, and always feeling like we always have to post. Therefore this break was far from short.
A lot has happened since we have last talked to one another, and many changes have came about in my life. There has been a lot of wondering, clarity, new experiences, new perspective, and new people in my life. With it all being for the better I couldn't help but wonder was it all happening too fast. You see, with all these things that were "new" it did send me into a tailspin. In that moment I could do one or two things, I could let it overwhelm and completely crush me or I could let it be what it is, and let my peace move me forward to what was to come next in my life. This mindset and work that had to be done wasn't and isn't easy. This is an everyday process.
In this journey I was let go from my position at the company I had been with for four years and quickly was able to start with a new one. That alone brought some challenges. I left the church I had been with for the majority of my life. Which as you can imagine put me in place of uncertainty. Then brought on an even bigger beast of a challenge. I sought out therapy, and was able to obtain and amazing therapist. Yes, I am in therapy and it has been one of the best decisions in my life. At first I didn't know if therapy was going to help and I felt weird at first. The reasons I felt this way, was because for several years I had been the one counseling others, always the reliable one with the strong shoulders to hold everyone and everything up. It took some time getting use to the whole process, but once I started to trust my therapist, trust myself, and take the advice given. It brought me into a place of peace of mind and heart. When you're willing to do the work, you'd surprised what you can do.
In my life I am a person who puts people and situations first, so as you can imagine I am always at the bottom of the list. Dont get me wrong I dont mind serving others, but it came to a point where I myself was being hurt. On the topic of people, I would wear myself thin trying to force relationships. These relationships were draining from me and no longer serving me. I had expectations of others, but after some thought I dont think they were realistic. I was being emptied, but not filled back up from others.I got tired of feeling like I wasn't worthy enough. For the first time ever I took a step back to evaluate. Then I took a step to move forward. I have been living my best life for me and not living the life that I felt others wanted me to live. To some I was only good to have realtionship with because of the gifts I possessed. When you live the life that others want you to live you'll never satisfy them and you'll never get anywhere. Taking a stand for me and being my authentic self set me free. I no longer seek the validaton from others that I thought I needed just to live. I was a robot day in and day out, and I was getting lost to who I was, and supposed to be. Some stated they wanted the "old Davon" back, but who was the "old Davon" if I never really felt I had lived or existed authentically.
"You don't apologize when God puts you on a new assignment, just because someone misses you in the old position you were in. You're being taken to new places, and territory that you prayed for. Sometimes we got to move, and that's okay".
-Tabitha Brown
In just those few adjustments alone that brought along a loss in some realtionships. It came to a point where the philosophy of its about quality over quantity became more true than ever for me. The good thing about all of this is that with loss comes true gain. Everyday I am a work in progress, and discovering something new about me. It's exciting to feel alive and not feel like I am always asking the question of "WHO AM I". I am sorry it has take so long chat with you all, but just know I am happy and there is so much in store for this next chapter. Believe me there are more stories to write and more podcast to post. I just ask you be patient with me. As I learn to be patient with myself.
Buckle up, and get ready with me for this amazing journey!
-D