- Aug 13, 2023
- 3 min read

I AM WHO I’M MEANT TO BE, THIS IS ME

The old me lived a life where I allowed myself to be manipulated. I put myself in a place where I felt like I had to always please others. I spent a part of my life doing what I thought others wanted me to do. I was a people pleaser. I thought the more they saw me, and the more I made them happy, the more I would be in good graces. In reality, the only thing this did was satisfy them while it left me depleted. Those who used to be in my life would abuse the Bible and the name of Jesus for their own selfish gain. God bless them.

The funny thing is that I didn't realize it for some time until some events in my life started me on my path of discovery.

Death can do a lot of things to a person but I think the main thing it does is evolve perspective. As my perspective has changed, it also brought about an outward evolution. This has been an evolution taking place over the last couple of years. I have changed the way I approach life, people, relationships, thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. My style and choice of clothes have even changed and evolved. I don't want to harp on it but it is a pivotal part of my story.

What I realized was that I didn't know who I truly ever was. I had lived my life mindlessly, as a copy. A copy of what I thought others wanted me to be. I spiraled when this realization hit me because I couldn't believe how long I had let life go on like this. This had to stop because my life wasn't really anything if I wasn't living in the reality of who I am.

I had to choose ME. Taking care of me. The first step was taking time for myself. When I found out who I was and began making decisions for myself, I started to speak up and take a stand. Could you imagine that the decision to make time for a better me, made people upset and uncomfortable? They didn't like the path I was taking and tried to use scriptures to manipulate me. The strings they once had tied to my wrists and ankles, were now being snipped one by one. Their poster child was fading. Many pulled me aside and said they were concerned for my life and salvation to God. Saying that I was backsliding because I was simply needing to take a break from all the noise. My vision began to clear and this revealed truths that I believe they will always deny and never want to face. I wasn't "performing" in the way they wanted me to. They began to realize I was not in their life the way they wanted me to be. It rattled them! Overall, what I have come to realize is that people couldn't handle my "NO" because they were used to abusing my "YES".

I was finally taking care of ME. I was at the start of a journey that I am still on today. That journey is one of being mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy. What I once thought was right and the truth, I realized was wrongfully altered and hurtful. Therapy has helped a lot in my discovery. Therapy, meditation, prayer, and time have helped to clear cobwebs and shed light on things. I have had to make some hard decisions but they were the best decisions I could ever make in my life. You see therapy and Jesus can go hand and hand.

Now! I won’t stop living authentically. I am comfortable in my skin. I know more of who I am and whose I am. I am happy with myself. I love myself. I am worthy. I respect myself. I am free from oppression and those who tried to oppress me. I am grateful every day for each step forward that I am able to make. I am thankful for those who naturally exited stage left in my life and for those whom I was able to make room for around my table. Just so you know, this table here is one of love, joy, and peace. I don't have room for the drama. I have created a life of truly living, fully living, a life of freedom, and a life of fun. Being present and taking in all the memories. This brings fulfillment to my life. As someone once said,